You're My Golden Arrowana
by alano, the silver pufferfish.
Lolz. No, that's way too gross and disturbing.
*HAIR FROM ALL OVER THE BODY STANDS OUT SHARP AND TALL*
That was a bad start to this blogpost.
Anyway, sorry to all devoted alano.blogspot.com readers who have been thinking why the hell i have not posted any new posts or where the hell i've been to, seek solace in knowing that no i have not gone to hell nor heaven nor italy nor arizona nor the deep blue sea, i was just..... lazy. hohoho.
No really, but seriously, another reason why i have not blogged was because i did not have any inspiration as to what to post on my blog so while having a hot steamy bath just now (sadly, alone, with no hot steamy girls beside me, but only my right hand.hoho) I suddenly had inspiration to blog; as if it was destined by God's will that i had to blog today. So here i am, after the 'divine' intervention, blogging to you all right now.
Which brings me to the topic today: "You're my golden arrowana" Many people would have found this verse familiar.
Hmmm, where have i seen it before?
Argh, where where. Freak, i just can't recall.
Ugh.. was it on somebody's blog? nonono.. aem aem..
Now now now let me save you from this mind boggling task and just tell you who belongs to this verse, it is non other than........ the person many people would think is my gay partner considering we are seen possessing strong inseperability trades( i do study! =P) and many a few would really believe that and in any case, by doing so, jeopardize my chances scoring with any chicks. DARN YOU PEOPLE!
Yeah sorry for the emotional outburst. Yes yes yes, it is none other than Jodin Nathaniel Choo Xing Wei. Nonono, sorry for the typo error; Jodin Natanyaiel Choo Xing Wei. Hurhur.
As some would have known, others still kept in the blue, our Mr " Singing Genius whom i'm freaking jealous of due to his damn nice voice and i wish i could have been born with the same voice as his" has snagged the Lead Actor role of this coming November's TP Musical. Come to think of it, i was supposed to go join the auditions with him too. Now, can you imagine if i had done so. Oh man, i would be cast as the tree, or if i was lucky, get to show at least my face as a passerby. Maybe, i would be cast as Jodin's hand, which is actually a very IMPORTANT AND GOOD ROLE to be cast as, well i would not tell you why, go support him at the musical for goodness sake to know why! Hurhur.
Anyway enough of the crap, now to the scandal. That's what you all want to hear don't you. Well i don't disappoint my guests! So having cracked your brains thinking why am i talking about Jodin here? Who the hell is golden arrowana? What the hell is happening? Why am i here reading this stupid blog? Well fret not, i shall lay down the story to you!
BEHOLD! THE SCANDAL! (Jodin, you may not want to continue reading past this line. Don't say i didn't warn you!)
*changes to a gossipy auntie at the marketplace persona*
Well actually hor Jodin had snapped up a damn nice golden arrowana at the TP Musical Marketplace. Beating thousands of other kiasu aunties vying to buy the beautiful and delicious looking fish, Jodin snatched the arrowana from under everybody's hands and apparently, is head over heels with this new catch of his. Beaming proudly and happily at this new catch, he found himself obsessed with this beautiful golden fish. Swimming sexily through and fro the tank flirting with him with her every move, he simply melted in her arms, i mean fins. Apparently, something fishy, literally, is going on at the moment between him and his golden arrowana. Hmmmm.. I shan't disclose too much here. Muahaha. I shall leave you all here to think and imagine what is going on.
Stay tuned for more fishy news of Jodin Natanyaiel and his Golden Arrowana!
Hmm, having said that, i think i shall post a picture of his Golden Arrowana, now that would be fun wouldn't it. Muahahhahaha, i'm loving this. So here goes!!!:
haha. gotcha. Nah, that's not his Golden Arrowana. That's actually a clip from Mel's blog, which brings me to the next story.
First and foremost, congratulations to Mel for joining the blogging community! Of course, who can resist having a blog now and find him or herself losing out to even a TAS lecturer, who has a blog too! Hmm, who is it? Well i shan't tell you who he is but he looks like a penguin. Hahahaha. Sorry sir! I couldn't help it. Really.
Anyway, don't you people actually find that picture scary when it first loads up on Mel's blog? I was freaked out of that pic when Gayna told me of the blog. The girl looks like a monster with the chocolate all over the toothless BIG mouth. Hurhur. Nah that description's too long. I shall find a word to replace "a monster with the chocolate all over the toothless BIG mouth."
Ahh! The girl looks like ....... Gayna!
hoho. i'm so freaking dead.
So having said that, I shall share with you people my coursework grades! Apparently, since Secondary School, this poor desperate baizhanji has been stuck with a curse! The B Curse! No, i don't have a boob, nor is it B Cup. I'm talking about my results you dirty minded freak! I have ALWAYS been getting Bs for most of my shit. ZZZ. When will that end. Hope i can get an A for Culinary Science, and i should be assured that i have an A for Accounts. (right, A for accounts! get the joke! wahahhaa. eh not funny.) Kk anyway hope i do well for my papers which is like next week and apparently going by the situation now, seems seemingly impossible considering
1. I have not studied yet.
2. I am a lazy ass.
3. I'm an ROddict.
4. I'm gay
Nah just kidding bout the last point. Hurhur. Speaking of gays,
WHAT'S WITH GAYS BEING ATTRACTED TO ME AND ME HAVING GAY APPEAL AND ALL!??freak.
This cold kitchen GAY chef at RASA Sentosa apparently finds me cute and asked for my name, according to Carolyn. Now thanks for sharing that with me, i'm sure i won't be disturbed by that and his constant lustful stares at me while i was shaking my ass cooking laksa during deployment.
Why oh why, do i look so gay!
hohoho. having said that, i shall do some advertising and promotions for this wonderful place i went yesterday. ( haha, i sound as if i get 51957105701 hits a day on my blog and that i'm a wonderful place for advertising promotions) Yeah, apparently read on 8 Days and saw the news about this cafe that lets you play board games, card games etc while eating, having a drink etc and there's people teaching you how to play the games and they have like a few hundred differnt kind of games ranging from the normal popular ones like RISK and MONOPOLY to games that lets you play as fellow mice competing for cheese, explorers at a haunted mansion whom one gets possessed and tries to kill the rest, competing as canoes grabbing jewels while the running rapids threaten to throw you down the river (the river, the river, the fast and flowing river! with a push and a pull and a mighty storm, i'll throw you down the river! ha, sorry couldn't help it.) Yeah anyway what they do also breaks the thoughts of people thinking games are only for geeks/guys/gays/nerds/boring people/wankers/freaks. Yeah, Jasmine and Angel joined me, Tat and Jodin Natanyaiel for a wonderful time at Settler's Cafe. Do visit, or if you're interested i can bring you there and i assure you WILL have a wonderful time, i can even guarantee you that with a money back guarantee!
www.settlerscafe.com
So this shall seal of today's hearty portion of alano.blogspot.com Please still do support me and i promise i'll blog more often now that i'm going to rot my virgin body at home more often.
I shall end with this thought of mine.
Why don't people believe I'm a freaking virgin?
Can I have a McFlurry of Emotions please?
by alano, the depressed.
The time is 11am on a beautiful sunday morning. The birds are chirping merrily outside the window, singing their beautiful songs, playing merrily together. I wake up, smiles aplenty, thanking God for such a beautiful day. I wake up and hop cheerfully to the bathroom. I prepared myself while hummng a love song and could not wait to meet her. The doorbell rang and i skipped cheerfully to the door. I opened it and it was not her. I was dumbfounded. It was..it was..
Miss Reality.
I hate the fucking world. I hate the fucking life. I hate the fucking face.
It's not good being home on a Saturday AND Sunday. Left alone amidst the cold whispers of the chilly air, you can't help but feel depressed. You sit there alone by your sorry little self and it did not help that the weekdays ended so sadly. You lie on the couch and think. Life is supposed to be good, but why is it bad? Reality is supposed to be good, but why is it bad?
I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. Why is this happening? Maybe i'm too paranoid. But maybe, I'm correct. Sometimes you feel strongly for something, and then it turns out wrong. That feeling sucks. I'm sure you know. I don't know. It's mind boggling. Maybe it'll turn out fine next week. Maybe.
I remember the week started on a beautiful note. We went out to celebrate Angee's birthday. As we sat down on the table, all 6 of us, I almost cried. It was the family dinner I have always dreamt of; but one i never had. I smiled happily to Linda:
"Feel like family hor. So fun." or something along that line.
I enjoyed that meal. We were all happy and excited and love was in the air.
After we left, I was outside the lift area with Jodin when the girls were doing their stuff in the restroom. (I'm sure they did not just go to do their business, they sure took a LONG time! haha) Yea anyway, the group of adults below our table in Swensen's was beside us. I turned to look at them and they looked like they were old classmates and friends gathering together after 41097419049812 years. I turned to Jodin and said:
"So cool hor so long le then meet up then can catch up and still be so close even though they have their own lives. Wonder whether we all will be like that in the future."
and i smiled, as as soon as i ended that line, the pictures of that scene flooded my puny brain. All old already, married, have kids, wonderful careers and all. Maybe we'll even have dinner at one of our restaurants or hotels. A sense of delight bolted through my veins.
I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe as usual i'm thinking too much, paranoid and all. I don't know. Maybe i'll get over it when i go back to school tomorrow. I don't know. I really don't know.
I find it shocking too, that we were so close and had so much fun when we barely knew each other. We clicked and bonded so well i'm amazed myself. We met everyday and had so much fun together. But maybe that's the problem. I don't know.
If ever something happens, you all were the greatest thing to happen in my life.
On a lighter note, I want to share with you all something:
There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who asked "What happened?!"
This quote sprung up at the best time. I was irritated, frustrated and all doing projects in school and this popped up when i came across our beloved all time favourite website; ole-bb. Yeah anyway, it's pretty self explanatory eh? So yeah.
Which do you belong?
Today too, had a wonderful quote:
Do you want people to speak well of you? Then don't speak well of yourself.
Pascal
How true. How true. For pride is a sin. I hate proud people. The first lesson i learnt in life, ironically, not from my family but a close mentor was to be humble no matter what. No matter how good you are, fuck it, shut your mouth and not praise urself. I'm happy I learnt that. And i hope some of you all would learn it too.
I shall not start a blogpost for you, it's not worth my time.
Yes, you have just met Miss Reality. Face it.
The Confessions
by alano, the virgin.
Today is the day of confessions. I shall strip myself naked today and give you a list of confessions of my deepest darkest secrets. Yes, including that secret that everyone wants to know. Read on, just read on.
Firstly, i want to tell everyone that I AM REALLY STILL A VIRGIN.
Why in the world would anyone come up to me and say "You're right Alan, like i believe you still am a virgin." or "Don't bluff la!" Come on people, which guy or girl or pig or peacocks or any other cocks for that matter in a right state of mind would doubt that i am still a virgin? I mean come on, look at me in the eye and tell me you look twice at me whenever you pass me 'cos i'm so handsome/cute/has wonderful eyes/nose/eyebrows/upper lip/molars/pubic hair/nipples/dandruff/looks like jay chou/slyvester sim/taufik batisah/olinda cho/mark lee/bryan wong/elmo/bigbird/tinky winky.
Please la, with this kind of looks, of course i am still a virgin! Heck, i never even had a girlfriend before!
Ya, that was point number two.
Come to think of it, i was so depressed over a girl once, my mum came to me and this happened:
The Mysterious Mum who hides behind her room door whenever you all come: "Boy ah, ni zuo mo?"
Me: (crying) "Mei you la"
TMMWHBHRDWYAC: "Nu pen you chao jia ah?"
TMMW..ah heck, the mum: "Hai shi nan pen you?"
wah lao eh. Mother ah. I'm not gay la for goodness sake!
yea i think that can be point number 3 if anyone of you all still doubt my sexuality. I am lesbian ok; i love girls!
woo.
ok now comes the moment you all have been waiting for. The confession of confessions. *drumroll please*
I, ALAN LOW, HEREBY ANNOUNCE, I AM IN LOVE AND COMPLETELY HEAD OVER HEELS WITH....
Always Coca Cola!
Wahahahaha. Eat your hearts out Jodin and Tat Ming! *woo*runs around in jubilation and does 72.5 jumping jacks and rolls on the floor for 2.51 centimetres*
Yes and as many of you all can see now, due to controversy surrounding why a particular someone is the first on my Link(Lust) Page, and saying that the first person is the one i lust most about, i have now gladly changed the first person to who else but our very own william scorpion ma..ah you get it.
so.. number 5: ACCORDING TO TAT MING'S THEORY, I NOW LUST AFTER HIM!