Can I have a McFlurry of Emotions please?
by alano, the depressed.
The time is 11am on a beautiful sunday morning. The birds are chirping merrily outside the window, singing their beautiful songs, playing merrily together. I wake up, smiles aplenty, thanking God for such a beautiful day. I wake up and hop cheerfully to the bathroom. I prepared myself while hummng a love song and could not wait to meet her. The doorbell rang and i skipped cheerfully to the door. I opened it and it was not her. I was dumbfounded. It was..it was..
Miss Reality.
I hate the fucking world. I hate the fucking life. I hate the fucking face.
It's not good being home on a Saturday AND Sunday. Left alone amidst the cold whispers of the chilly air, you can't help but feel depressed. You sit there alone by your sorry little self and it did not help that the weekdays ended so sadly. You lie on the couch and think. Life is supposed to be good, but why is it bad? Reality is supposed to be good, but why is it bad?
I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. Why is this happening? Maybe i'm too paranoid. But maybe, I'm correct. Sometimes you feel strongly for something, and then it turns out wrong. That feeling sucks. I'm sure you know. I don't know. It's mind boggling. Maybe it'll turn out fine next week. Maybe.
I remember the week started on a beautiful note. We went out to celebrate Angee's birthday. As we sat down on the table, all 6 of us, I almost cried. It was the family dinner I have always dreamt of; but one i never had. I smiled happily to Linda:
"Feel like family hor. So fun." or something along that line.
I enjoyed that meal. We were all happy and excited and love was in the air.
After we left, I was outside the lift area with Jodin when the girls were doing their stuff in the restroom. (I'm sure they did not just go to do their business, they sure took a LONG time! haha) Yea anyway, the group of adults below our table in Swensen's was beside us. I turned to look at them and they looked like they were old classmates and friends gathering together after 41097419049812 years. I turned to Jodin and said:
"So cool hor so long le then meet up then can catch up and still be so close even though they have their own lives. Wonder whether we all will be like that in the future."
and i smiled, as as soon as i ended that line, the pictures of that scene flooded my puny brain. All old already, married, have kids, wonderful careers and all. Maybe we'll even have dinner at one of our restaurants or hotels. A sense of delight bolted through my veins.
I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe as usual i'm thinking too much, paranoid and all. I don't know. Maybe i'll get over it when i go back to school tomorrow. I don't know. I really don't know.
I find it shocking too, that we were so close and had so much fun when we barely knew each other. We clicked and bonded so well i'm amazed myself. We met everyday and had so much fun together. But maybe that's the problem. I don't know.
If ever something happens, you all were the greatest thing to happen in my life.
On a lighter note, I want to share with you all something:
There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who asked "What happened?!"
This quote sprung up at the best time. I was irritated, frustrated and all doing projects in school and this popped up when i came across our beloved all time favourite website; ole-bb. Yeah anyway, it's pretty self explanatory eh? So yeah.
Which do you belong?
Today too, had a wonderful quote:
Do you want people to speak well of you? Then don't speak well of yourself.
Pascal
How true. How true. For pride is a sin. I hate proud people. The first lesson i learnt in life, ironically, not from my family but a close mentor was to be humble no matter what. No matter how good you are, fuck it, shut your mouth and not praise urself. I'm happy I learnt that. And i hope some of you all would learn it too.
I shall not start a blogpost for you, it's not worth my time.
Yes, you have just met Miss Reality. Face it.
